Pensive Thoughts - but happier ones...

For some reason I feel incredibly depressed between 5 and 7 every evening. I don't know what it is between the sun setting and me ( I was a winter baby anyway), but I feel like a big truckload of crap at this time. And I am still stuck at office. :(

Recently I read an article about uplifting your spirits by thinking happy thoughts. So here goes my ultimate list of things that make me happy:

1) A candle lit dinner by the beach with the waves licking your feet. With soft music in the background. Add pasta and chocolate dessert and I am in seventh heaven.

2) A good party in a beach house with people I like, loouuuddd bollywood and hip hop music and drinks.... Oh and KV and Dipti far away (so I can drink without getting high and keep my drink) Where I can dance in peace (read in total crazy manner and no one stops me!)

3) Playing with loads of little puppies. I love puppies. My perennial pleas to my parents did not bear fruit. There are no dogs in sight. Sigh. I told them I could substitute puppies with babies, but no. They now tell me to go have a baby if I so badly want one and not to bother them. Parents these days. Tsk tsk. I even told my roommates in Blore that we could keep dogs during my stint there, but they thought I had gone mad. :(

4) Riding a Thunderbird on ECR. Laugh you may, but one day I am going to be riding that bike on that road.

5) Lazing around on a hammock with a good book, the sea in sight and lots of greenery around me.

6) White water rafting/ para sailing/ any adventure sport.

7) Playing a long, tiring game of team sports. Preferably on the beach. Or even billiards. I am starting to like the game a lot.

8) Trekking on a green, green hillside. With someone else carrying the bags, ofcourse. :)

9) Horse riding. Another recent wish which I will somehow make true very soon.

EDIT: 10) A big,big bar of dark chocolate with fruit and nuts. The darker the better. (Yes, yes, less sugar, more of good chemicals... forget their names now).

Will add more as and when I can think of more stuff. As of now, I think I will be leaving for home and some good food from Mummy Jaan.

Toodles!

Pensive Thoughts - I

I am in a reflective mood. Was wondering why everything in life tends to appear difficult most of the time. And no, thats not negative thinking or anything. Let me try and explain.

When you are a kid, and someone steals your toys, you feel shattered. You do not understand why someone would want to do that. It was YOUR toy. You feel like shit.

When you are a teenager, and your best friend steals your crush, you feel shattered. This was the person whom you were deeply in love with. You feel like shit. You wonder how you could feel bad about toys when such big things are happening now.

When you are an adult, and you don't get the job you want, the life partner you want, the car you want.... you feel that toys and crushes are the least things in life. They seem so insignificant. You wonder how you could have felt bad about any of it. Not now, when your whole life is falling apart. And once again you feel like shit.

My point is, perspectives keep changing as you grow. From toys, to crushes, to marks in school, to jobs- as you grow, you change. And yet, the feeling of grief you have now over a lost promotion is the same kind of grief you felt when your toys were taken away. You feel just as shitty now as you did when that incident happened when you were three. If someone takes away your toys now it doesn't matter to you, but when they take away your family, you feel murderous. Why is it that the measure of frustration and grief you felt as a child not change now that you are grown up? Even if you are tiny, your brain is tiny and the things you understand are only building blocks, your anguish when those are taken away is the same as the anguish you feel now about other, bigger things. With our feelings, it is always the same story.

Makes you wonder if at the end of your life, you'll look back, find everything insignificant and yet feel aggrieved.