"B"reak Time

Being at home in Chennai reminds me of what life outside B is like. (Life inside B can take some time to sum up since its a 24 hour, no sleep, no thought business) I am currently occupying myself by entertaining guests at home. The standard format of the situation is like this: People come over to the house, indulge in pleasant conversation with my parents, smile benovently at my brother and me, in some inane moments ask if we remember them and then ask each of us what we are doing.
Reactions to IIMB:
Reaction Type 1 : Slightly awed to totally shocked. IIMB? Really? Excellent. But you... you studied at Stella right? Commerce? And now... IIM??
So I've long given up trying to explain what course I did in college. The classification is simple - you are either an engineer, or "one of those". "Those" translates into commerce, science or arts students - nobody cares what you do within those streams. Sometimes I just nod when people think I've done B.Com, sometimes I nod when they say science and once in a fit of creativity, I told someone I had done BA History and planned to specialize in the Mughal period after my MBA. Type 1 people only want to know how an institute like IIMB can accept non - engineers. I mean, bad enough that I didn't study at IIT. But non engineer? Isn't there a Masters in Business Administration for Non Engineers or something? How will we cope when engineers are around??! I once told someone the institute has a quota for non engineers and they readily believed me, so now I just spend my time thinking of more creative answers to this question.
Reaction Type 2 : Wants career advice. My son/ daughter is also preparing, any tips on how to crack the exam?
For the life of me, I can't think of a single useful piece of advice to give. If I say write mock tests, the immediate response is to name at least two institutes where the kids are already enrolled. Then what can I say? I have no clue how I cracked the exam; till last year I was running around trying to figure out the answer to the same question and getting gyaan from anyone who wanted to give some (and got answers varying from "drink the night before the exam" to "sleep well" to "who cares? its CAT, it happens naturally!") I just smile sweetly at Reaction Type 2s and assure them all will be well. Generally, my mom helps me out by generously telling people I had no clue what I was doing the previous year anyway and that it was all by the grace of God. Sweet.
Reaction Type 3: B? Oh, didn't get through A?
The type I would love to strangle given a choice. They apparently think the IIMs roll out a red carpet to students and whoever races in first gets a seat. My mom generally takes over and tells these people I am very happy with B, etc, etc. I just glare at them and imagine them drowning in hot oil :)
Reaction Type 4: IIM? Bangalore? Why? No institute in Chennai accepted you???
I just tell them ah, well,I am a non engineer with whats-that-degree again, so I have to suffer in Bangalore.
Reaction Type 5 : The ones which turn to my brother and say, "So you have high standards to meet now." Thanks to which he has stopped talking to me and the t-shirt I got him from B remains safely stowed away in the wardrobe for his grandchildren to wear.
Sigh.

Post dedicated to Karthik and IIT "Rourkee" / Rourkela/ Bangalore.

A Candle In the Wind

She lit the candles carefully, making sure the wax did not drip anywhere close to the black satin of her dress. Lighting the last one, she looked around to make sure the whole room glowed orange evenly.
Uniformity. She liked uniformity in her work.
Satisfied, she sat down to rearrange the white lace tablecloth neatly spread out on the floor. Making sure the edges were even, she placed the dishes she had made on the tablemats, careful to place them equidistant from each other.
Finally, she looked up.
Candles - check.
Flowers - check. He hated lilies, so she had to be sure none were in sight. What the maid had put in that afternoon, she had thrown out.
Food - check check. Steaming hot Italian pasta and baked vegetables slightly underdone. Perfect.
Wine - check.
Sexy dress - check.
Makeup- perfect.
She sat back against the leg of the sofa, inhaling the scent of the candles. The watch showed five to eight; she had exactly four minutes before he arrived. She smiled, wondering what that penchant for being one minute early was all about. She had never found out in the four years they had been together- much like everything else she did not know about him.
She wondered why they had never tried to find out more about each other. Beyond his favourite cuisine, his aversion to lilies and his obsession with black satin, she knew almost nothing about his tastes.
Or his life outside the nights they spent with each other.
She sighed. She liked it this way. Non interfering. They both led independant lives, no questions asked, no explanations given - it only mattered that they were together when they both needed it. This was how she had wanted it.
The doorbell rang twice and then opened - another of his idiosyncrasies. She cocked her head to the side and smiled as he stepped into the light.
He was dressed in his usual pin striped suit with the tie slightly crooked - a sign that he had had a tiring day. Her smile widened. Tiring days meant even more tiring nights.
His forehead was creased - he seemed deep in thought. She half sat up, crossing her legs.
"What's wrong?"
He looked around the room and his frown deepened. He did not place his briefcase down, but leaned against the mantelpiece. "We need to talk."
She sat up fully. She had not heard that line before.
"What's wrong? " she repeated, a little loudly this time.
"This needs to end." The words were abrupt. He was gazing at some point just above her head, firmly away from her face. "Right now."
She was too stunned to say anything. She stared at him, willing him to speak further.
"I met someone else. Actually... I have got back someone I lost four years ago. I met her on a trip to Italy and then things didn't work out between us. I hoped and prayed... and on my last trip there I found her again. She wants me to move there. I think we have a future." His sentences did not make much sense. It was urgent, he only needed to say what was essential. His voice was torn between pleading and dreaminess. Between longing for someone else and pity for her.
Between the need for a future he had dreamt of for four years and the need to get rid of the present and her.
She couldn't breathe. She couldn't talk. She just gazed helplessly at him, wondering if time had stopped.
Finally, he looked at her- for the merest fraction of a second. In that second, his eyes held every ounce of pity he was capable of. There was no remorse, no sadness. Just pity, overflowing, senseless pity.
He turned around slowly, not needing a response. It was as they had begun the relationship - no questions asked, no further explanations needed. You are free to leave anytime you choose. He had told her, cupping his fingers beneath her chin as they had stood beneath the star strewn sky. I will ask no questions.
And yet, here he was, walking away first, and she had no questions she could ask.
Something rankled in her head. "Her name?" she choked.
He turned and looked at her, and she knew she was right. "Lily."
The door swung shut behind him and she crumpled to the floor.
Silence.
The door creaked open and she looked up, wondering how much time had passed, wondering if he had come back.
It was not him. It was another familiar face, looking alarmed. "What on earth?"
She gazed at her husband's face as understanding slowly dawned on him. She watched his face crumple, felt her own head beginning to spin.
A gust of wind blew through the open door and extinguished the candles.
Darkness set in.

Hulla Hoo

It is a nice, dreary, gray morning here at B. I am sitting in my room, gazing sadly at my preposterous blog count over the last three months - a grand total of three, out of which I had written one ages ago. I am also wrestling with some God awful normal distributions. And whining to myself about an assignment on Indian agriculture (It can make anyone feel suicidal!) And... I am thinking of all the things I could be doing otherwise in this lovely gray weather.
MY top 5 picks :
- Drinking hot chocolate, snuggled under a thick blanket, with a good book/ movie. Cliched though it may sound, you should commend the fact that I had the decency to omit mentioning the rather "yummy" guy I would like to have with me under that blanket. Yes, I am becoming decent in my old age.
- Writing a melancholy poem on the sadness of life. I am in a good position to do that these days and I really think I could come up with some tragic lines (no pun intended). But then, doing that might just suck out all the energy that I have somehow mustered in my four hours of sleep last night and I cannot afford that when I have a long day of fun filled assignments ahead of me. So instead of writing the poem, I shall just put it down as yet another thing to do in life.
- Running behind a kid screaming "Beta, swaater pehno". I know, I know. I don't understand why these thoughts of children keep running through my head these days. I should probably inform my parents - my dad is on an obsessive hunt for a good son-in-law anyway and my mother will be reassured she will see some grandchildren. But I have the strange feeling that the excitement of running behind the kid will wear off really fast and then all that will be left will be a screaming, whining kid and a screaming, whining me.
- Go jogging on a treadmill with a nice full length glass window ahead so that I can see the rain fall. Aaah, the very thought rejuvenates me. I miss running. With some good music in the background... aaahhhh. Bliss.
- Go for a full body massage at a top end spa. Okay, fine so this item has no connection with the rain, it is just that I have been wanting it so long, I am going to mention it here. My birthday is coming up, so if in case anyone has ideas of getting me a gift, please note this point.
Oh great. So in the time I took to write this, the sun has come out. Now the dreary, gray weather has turned into cheerful, yellow sunshine. Talk about ruining a good mood. Even the weather Gods are against me! Sigh. This only means I need to return to normal distributions and the agricultural travails of India. It is a rotten life, I say.