Pensive Thoughts - I

I am in a reflective mood. Was wondering why everything in life tends to appear difficult most of the time. And no, thats not negative thinking or anything. Let me try and explain.

When you are a kid, and someone steals your toys, you feel shattered. You do not understand why someone would want to do that. It was YOUR toy. You feel like shit.

When you are a teenager, and your best friend steals your crush, you feel shattered. This was the person whom you were deeply in love with. You feel like shit. You wonder how you could feel bad about toys when such big things are happening now.

When you are an adult, and you don't get the job you want, the life partner you want, the car you want.... you feel that toys and crushes are the least things in life. They seem so insignificant. You wonder how you could have felt bad about any of it. Not now, when your whole life is falling apart. And once again you feel like shit.

My point is, perspectives keep changing as you grow. From toys, to crushes, to marks in school, to jobs- as you grow, you change. And yet, the feeling of grief you have now over a lost promotion is the same kind of grief you felt when your toys were taken away. You feel just as shitty now as you did when that incident happened when you were three. If someone takes away your toys now it doesn't matter to you, but when they take away your family, you feel murderous. Why is it that the measure of frustration and grief you felt as a child not change now that you are grown up? Even if you are tiny, your brain is tiny and the things you understand are only building blocks, your anguish when those are taken away is the same as the anguish you feel now about other, bigger things. With our feelings, it is always the same story.

Makes you wonder if at the end of your life, you'll look back, find everything insignificant and yet feel aggrieved.